Read the Room

Why Awareness, Listening, and Simple People Skills Still Matter More Than Ever

I study people. Not in a weird way, and not necessarily to judge them but to understand why they act like they do. We are all products of our upbringing. The way we were raised follows us throughout our lives. Any lack, therefore, continues to define us as we move and interact with others. One of the most pronounced areas of lack I'm observing is the inability of many to communicate effectively. Poor — undeveloped — social skills are commonplace. I've noted three particular issues:

Many do not know how to "read a room." When in group settings, they act and function as if they're the only one in the room! They often interrupt or talk over people. They're oblivious to what's being said because they are too busy formulating their next outburst. They are terrible listeners, often forming sentences for their next rampage while someone else is talking. They make little or no eye contact. They are, in essence, obnoxious. They over-power everyone in the room and don't even realize they're making public spectacles of themselves. Sadly, they usually have few or no friends; and when people see them coming, they take a collective deep breath!

Still others take on an opposite situation. They don't talk at all; and when they do they usually give one-word, mostly incomplete answers. My college speech professor described them as "knots on a log." They arrive, talk to no one, often make little or no eye contact, walk through the crowd incognito, offer to shake no one's hands, find a seat (usually in the corner) and plant themselves. Their body language speaks loudly when their mouth says nothing: "Leave me alone!"

Open-ended and lead-in questions must become part of every home life. Children have got to learn how to formulate their thoughts and clearly articulate their words. This is a learned art. Children who grow up with poor conversational skills suffer in the hands of future employers, social settings of all kinds, family gatherings, etc.

We must teach our loved ones to speak with intentionality. Anyone who cannot carry a conversation is obviously socially undeveloped and cannot be allowed to steal quality time. They must learn to step forward and talk in the right way!

Here's what I believe: People like this were shut down when they were kids, were never allowed to engage in conversations with adults, were never accurately and appropriately allowed to express their feelings and opinions, and now talk just for the sake of hearing themselves talk.

I don't think I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I believe we have a problem. Those who never learn to appropriately "read the room" remain ostracized and excluded. Being able to converse in a wise, appealing manner is crucial for success.